01/25/2013
OK, on a day when it was below zero when I got up, it’s hard to think about golf in a serious manner, so I think today I’ll write about a very common occurrence in golf, cheating. Nothing holier (no pun intended) than thou, just some of the funny stuff that I’ve observed along the way.
I think most of us will willingly admit that at some point in time, we’ve succumbed to some mild form of cheating – taken a Mulligan, accidently moved a ball in the woods when removing debris from around the ball, taken a gimme when offered one or even assuming one. Usually, when you’re just out for a fun round and nobody’s cash or manhood (OK, personhood, but don’t expect me to be PC) is on the line, it’s not that important. But here are some goodies…
I have one friend who is a TERRIBLE golfer. He regularly shoots in the 130s, and he’s cheating. One time in a friendly tournament I used to run, I started counting his strokes for a few holes. He was regularly carding 7s and 8s, but I realized that he was more in the 10 to 12 range. I called him on it on one hole when he claimed 7 and I counted 11. I even went back and counted all his shots and misfires for him. He was a bit surprised, simply said, I guess you’re right, I must have forgotten about those. Someone else in our party said, “I don’t blame you.” And that was it.
Another one was where my friend Ed Donahue, was golfing with an acquaintance we’ll call Paul. It was a competitive match with at least bragging rights on the line and Ed was sure that he was shooting better than Paul, but couldn’t figure out how he was falling behind. Finally he starts paying attention to Paul’s score on a hole by hole basis and realized that the few times he had given Paul a gimme from inside a foot, HE WASN’T COUNTING THE GIMME as part of his score. Ed and I still chuckle about that to this day. To paraphrase George Costanza, If you don’t think you’re cheating, you’re not cheating!
This final one is about a question that becomes harder to answer every year. How much do I have to cheat to win a scramble? Three friends and I used to get together every fall for a scramble tournament. Although we are hackers, we were infallibly honest and always ended up somewhere around even to 2 under. One year we were backed up and following a foursome closely enough to watch their drives on the first six holes. Between them, they never hit the fairway or the rough. They were always under a bush, in the water, in a trap (often their best position) or some other bad place. We lost sight of them for the next six holes and caught up to them at the end. We asked, “How are you doing?” figuring that we would at least be ahead of them, and they responded with, “10 under! We’ve really caught fire on these last few holes!” Needless to say, that ended our hopes because we realized regardless of how much we improved our game, we could never push our cheat-level into the stratosphere!
So, please post your favorite cheating stories here. Be nice and change the names to protect the ignorant. Here is a link to some good ones in their own right.
http://golf.about.com/u/ua/rulesofgolf/golfcheating.htm
What is the worst golf cheating you have personally witnessed on a golf course? The most blatant rulebreaking by someone you were paired with? Share your stories.