09/30/2026
It took me so long to understand that empathy without boundaries is self-abandonment.
I’m a giver by nature and takers will always take advantage of that if you let them.
But at some point in my healing, after processing so much of the abuse I endured, I had to ask myself the harder question: WHY?
Why does a smart, kind, successful woman stay through the lies, the cheating, the manipulation? Why do we love sooo deeply, only to receive the bare minimum & convince ourselves it’s enough?
I’ve come to understand two things:
1. I was conditioned for years to believe the kind of love I was asking for, which was basic respect, accountability, repair and follow-through, was “too much.” (I know now that’s bs).
2. I became conditioned to inconsistency. The constant hot+cold behavior, closeness followed by distance, effort followed by withdrawal, kept me focused on getting back to the “good” version of the relationship.
Understanding this isn’t about blaming myself. It’s about that piece of information finally clicking in my head and making sense about why I stayed, why I kept forgiving & whyyy I kept trying to make something work that was costing me pieces of myself. I literally almost died trying to save my marriage.
Healing didn’t teach me how to love less tho, it actually taught me how to stop disappearing inside of the way I love others.
I will still love deeply, because that’s who I am. But access to me is no longer unlimited simply because I have a good heart. Been there, done that, NEVER AGAIN.
My empathy has boundaries now. My love requires reciprocity alwaysss & most importantly, once you show me who you are, I believe you the first time. I will never again abandon myself because I know how to love me well.
There are still so many layers of this journey I haven’t talked about yet… what I had to unlearn, the patterns I had to recognize & what I’m discovering about love and myself on the other side.
So if any of this resonated w you or you’re rebuilding too, stay with me. This is about to get wayyy, way better!! 💫