07/29/2026
I turned 30 a week ago and have let it be a milestone. In my reflecting, I found this note from 2018, when I had just graduated and the enormity of knowing who I was and being able to prove it felt absolutely vital.
Authenticity has always been a core value, but I’ve fallen in and out of the trap that there is a correct way to be, and that my truest self would be a slightly different version that stays just out of reach. I’ve confused authenticity with self improvement. I’ve also linked it with the debilitating desire to try and be understood on every front, by every person, which I’m learning is not only unnecessary, it is impossible.
Creating has always been my portal for being without an urge to change. I have naturally let the work do what it’s going to do without judgement, and I’m beginning to embody that in myself. What helped: a fully developed prefrontal cortex, therapy, letting thoughts about feelings become feelings, meds, letting my life fall into categories that mingle, but don’t demand each part of me be present at all times. Lots of letting.
If you made it down here, thanks for reading. Making things mostly holds rank over writing about what it all means to me, but I’m away for a few days, and nothing gets me contemplative like a body of water 🌊✌🏻