04/01/2021
Let’s just start here: In my book, every day should be Mother’s Day. As any mom or mom-to-be can tell you, every day really is Mother’s Day. No, not with the sweetly scribbled cards, hand-picked flowers, and boxes of drugstore chocolate. No, not with the breakfast in bed made of mostly burnt pancakes served up with beaming smiles and hugs sticky with syrup and spilled juice. No, not even the lovingly painted rock that will sit on your desk for the rest of the year.
No, every day as a mom is a day spent being a mom. It doesn’t matter what other jobs you fill or what other kinds of work you do. Doesn’t matter what challenges you face, what struggles life throws your way. Doesn’t matter whether you’re a first-time mom or a fifth-time mom, whether you’re newly pregnant, already delivered, if you’re an adoptive mom, you’re a same-sex mom, or you’re a mom who is hoping to bring home a rainbow after multiple losses. A mom in South Sudan or a mom in South Carolina or a Military mom serving in South Korea. Being a mom is something you are, not something you do. It isn’t the only thing that defines you, not by a long shot, but it does shape the way you think, live, love, what you believe in, what you wish for and what you care about.
I’ve been a mom for way longer than I haven’t been (way, way longer). I’ve also spent most of my life trying to help as many moms as I can, the best I can—something I never could have done if I wasn’t a mom myself. You know this from hanging out in the What To Expect community: it takes a mom to understand a mom.
I am reminded of that every day of the year. Not just on Mother’s Day. Over the last two weeks, for instance, I started last week hugging my way through the annual ACOG meeting in Nashville where many of the passionate, young doctors and doctors-in-training I met were moms or moms-to-be or TTC moms. They made a point of sharing how becoming a mom deeply impacted the care they now gave to patients (not that care can’t be given passionately by a man or a woman who has never been on the receiving end of OB care, just that empathy is is a powerful force).
This week started off with a Special Delivery for army moms (many with deployed partners, some dual military with partners serving at a different base) at Fort Campbell, followed by one at Fort Riley. There, again, the overwhelming sense of sisterhood between moms (over 100 at each shower) was palpable. The sharing was intense. The reassuring nods when moms spoke of challenges they faced—potty training, bonding, breastfeeding, and in particular, depression, anxiety and other clinical forms of mood disorders during pregnancy and postpartum—spoke volumes for fellow moms who “got it." One mom shared about an abusive relationship that almost cost her her life that she was able to get out of, finally, with the support of her command and the fellowship (or, I guess, I should say mothership) of her mom community.
As I was mid-hugs at Fort Riley, the daughter who made me a mom and a grandmom, Emma Bing, was mid-virtual-hugs on a WTE IG live with community moms sharing their stories about postpartum depression and mood disorders, something Emma herself had struggled with as a newly delivered second-time mom. Again, the connection between moms — across a wide swath of experiences that might otherwise divide them. Political, geographical, socioeconomic, racial, religious, cultural profiles didn’t enter the conversation because a universal bond tied these brave women together. Whatever else they were or weren’t, they were moms. Moms who got it.
I’m home for Mother’s Day this Sunday where I’ll be skipping the burnt pancakes in lieu of brunch with my daughter, Emma, the son-in-law who just plain made me happy, Simon, their two sons Lennox and Sebastien, the son who made me a boy mom, Wyatt, my beautiful mother-in-law, Abby, my amazing father-in-law, Norm, and the man who made being a mom possible for me, Erik. Hopefully, I’ll still cash in on plenty of sticky hugs and scribbled cards, too.
Then, Erik and I will head off for Wyoming and Colorado for another round of hug-filled Special Deliveries where moms who do plenty of other things—from paying bills and doing laundry to deploying into combat zones—will be moms. Safe, supported, cared about by a roomful of other moms... who get it.
Wishing you, wherever or however you’re celebrating this Sunday, a Happy Mother’s Day, every day.
With big hugs,
Heidi
