16/06/2023
Here’s my reminder to get IN the picture 💕
Tonight our youngest had the opportunity to play a game of baseball on the big10 field. He was pumped! Big bro was equally pumped and spent the night earning his badge of loudest brother cheering 🤭
When I was looking at my phone on the way home to see what the pics looked like - I realized after about 5 minutes of swiping through the many action shots I took of the game - I had no urge to delete any photos of me. I had no negative thoughts pop up front and center. I had to SEARCH for the “pause” - then “delete” triggers that used to be the only thing I knew.
Tonight was also my last night of being 40. 40 years (well, let’s say 35 - because I likely wasn’t critiquing myself in pics before the age of 5…), so the 3+ DECADES it has taken me to undo what was generationally passed down to me. Undoing standards that have been reinforced by media and society. And developing a true awareness and understanding that the norms so many of us were taught to strive for - were never designed for us. Attainability, circumstance and uniqueness were not considered when these were formed.
Instead, tonight I had to SEARCH for the flaws - because my heart, eyes and mind no longer see them first (if at all). This has been 10 years in the making. 10 years to feel confident enough to know: I will sit on the bleachers at the stadium, not the chairs with arms - because that’s where I fit and I’m most comfortable. That I can make cookies for the team and not worry about what others might think about my “diet” (or lack there of). That I can wear what’s comfortable and true to my style - even if it’s not like any of the other moms (their sporty looks are adorable - but team tank tops don’t come in my size). That my flowy (WRINKLED) wide leg linen pants might not be the most “flattering” choice - but they were the right choice because they kept me cool and comfortable.
And most importantly - that Jack asked me to “save this one” so I could remember the night he got his first double on a college field 💙 And I thought: “Of course, bud” and truly meant it.
Friends, the work to UNDO is worth it. We are worth it. I promise 💙
