01/04/2026
Following numerous complaints that our Escape Running shorts have enabled too many people to move too quickly with their phones, keys, KitKats, and assorted other clobber, we’re proud to announce a strictly limited run of Escape Walking shorts.
Specially designed to slow you down so that you may more fully appreciate nature over a longer workout, Escape Walking 13kg-in-1 Shorts feature:
✅ Added weight to maximise your efforts. Additional weight available at additional cost. Early adopters can also enter a paid ballot to give founder a piggy-back. You won’t win, but you might get a jacket if you agree to donate your entry fee to our Christmas party fund.
❌ No pockets. You don’t need them. Leave your phone at home and watch where you’re going instead of checking the ‘gram. You don’t need gels, just forage for food en-route. You’ll soon learn which berries/mushrooms not to eat. Keys? Just walk, leave the car at home. Your significant other may let you back in when you get home. If you get home.
Strictly limited supply! Apply for preorders today by dropping us a DM with a haiku, credit card details, and your mother’s maiden name.
Happy Struggles 💚
