01/06/2026
This goes out to all the friends and family members having babies 👶
GTMF SoCal’s Official Guide to Raising a Baby
20 Steps to Keeping a Tiny Human Alive While Maintaining Your Sanity
GTMF Motto: Good Times, Minimal Freakouts.
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1. Accept Your New Boss
Congratulations. You now work for someone who weighs 8 pounds, contributes nothing financially, and has unrealistic expectations regarding customer service.
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2. Sleep Whenever Possible
Forget “sleeping through the night.” You’re now playing a game called “How many naps can I squeeze into a 24-hour period?”
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3. Diapers Are Not Suggestions
If you think, “That diaper can probably wait another 10 minutes,” it can’t.
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4. Always Pack Extra Everything
Diapers, wipes, clothes, bottles, snacks, backup clothes for you, backup backup clothes. Babies can create a hazardous waste incident without warning.
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5. Never Trust a Quiet Baby
A sleeping baby is great.
A quiet awake baby is conducting science experiments.
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6. Learn the Five Baby Languages
Hungry
Tired
Wet
Gassy
Angry for reasons unknown to modern medicine
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7. Master the One-Handed Lifestyle
Eating, drinking coffee, opening doors, answering texts, and operating remote controls will now be performed with one hand.
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8. The Floor Is Your Friend
If it can survive the floor, it can survive the baby.
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9. Take Them Outside
Fresh air fixes a surprising number of baby problems.
It also prevents parents from becoming feral.
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10. Photos Are Mandatory
Take thousands.
One day you’ll miss the tiny socks and the little giggles.
You will not miss diaper blowouts.
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11. Keep a Sense of Humor
At some point you’ll get peed on.
Possibly pooped on.
Potentially both.
Consider it a rite of passage.
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12. Don’t Compare Your Kid
Every baby develops differently.
The internet is a liar.
Your baby is doing just fine.
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13. Read to Them Daily
They won’t understand the story.
You won’t care.
It’s about building the habit.
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14. Grandparents Are a Strategic Asset
Use wisely.
Provide snacks.
Express gratitude.
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15. Babies Need Structure
They crave routines even if they spend most of the day actively fighting them.
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16. Put the Phone Down
The emails can wait.
The social media drama can wait.
The baby will only be this little once.
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17. Teach Them the GTMF Way
Be kind.
Work hard.
Tell the truth.
Help people.
Leave places better than you found them.
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18. Let Them Get Dirty
Mud washes off.
Character lasts.
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19. Remember: You’re Raising an Adult
The goal isn’t a perfect baby.
The goal is a capable, respectful, independent human.
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20. Make the Memories
Take the trip.
Go to the beach.
Watch the sunset.
Sit around the fire pit.
Eat the ice cream.
Laugh often.
Because one day that little baby will be grown, and you’ll realize the greatest GTMF lesson of all:
“The days are long, but the years are short.”
GTMF SoCal Baby-Raising Rules
Love them fiercely.
Protect them always.
Laugh whenever possible.
Make memories often.
Never waste a good sunset.
And remember… nobody really knows what they’re doing. We’re all just winging it with confidence. 👊🏼☀️🏖️🍻👶🏻
GTMF SoCal — Raising the Next Generation of Good Times.
