19/10/2026
My Husband Is a Two-Minute Man
The woman came out to say it during a couples’ seminar.
“My husband is a two-minute man.”
Everybody laughed except the pastor and the man in question. He didn’t seem bothered either. I won’t lie; I laughed too, even though we belong to the same category.
However, after the wife ranted about how her husband usually fell asleep immediately after round one, she threatened to leave him.
Already, they had three children together, plus the one the woman had before they met, making four. Yet, this woman still wanted this man to perform like a Jackie Chan in the bedroom.
She said her friends usually recommended drugs, which she had told her husband to use. Even though he had bought those drugs and seen how well they worked, he refused to use them again and would no longer keep them in the house.
Then the woman threw one last shade that changed everything.
“Kudos to all the husbands here who go three to four rounds. You will not die young!”
And there was a rowdy response of “Amen!”
I am coming.
The man looked around and shook his head. He faked a smile until he signalled to me, and I walked straight to him with my microphone. I knew he wanted to say something, but he was certainly trying to stop himself from saying too much so things wouldn’t blow out of proportion.
I did not leave the table until his wife returned. The guest speaker was still there, smiling and writing something in his small jotter, when the man stood up and I handed him the microphone.
He looked at his wife, and I could sense something darker beneath his expression.
“And I begged you not to say anything today, oh! I told you yesterday. I still reminded you before we left home. Since you don’t like peace, let’s shatter the table!”
The man said this very sarcastically. At least, that was what we thought. It wasn’t clear to us yet what he meant.
Other women were laughing, but the men seemed connected somehow. As a man and a father, I understood that feeling.
“Not lasting long in bed like drillers and miners is not a criterion for a happy home. Is the man responsible? Yes. Is your husband responsible? Oh, yes!
“This has been your only concern. When last did you ask how I was doing? Did your first daughter ever tell you that she caught me almost taking my own life? Did she tell you I lost my job over a year ago?
“And yet, I have maintained and remained the same man. I have never changed or failed in my responsibilities as a husband.
“Did your daughter tell you she works for me? That I own the supermarket she manages?
“You kept buying and asking. You kept taking care of your family, but when mine came around, you tossed them aside and insulted them. You think I don’t know?”
I looked straight into the woman’s eyes. Tears were gathering there.
“The money you took to Dubai was my entire savings. I didn't tell you because I thought you were genuine. Where are the gold items? You said you were scammed. Really? You and I know you lied. You and your friend used that money to buy land and build a twin house in this city.
“Your friend told her husband. She bought the house in her name and her husband’s name.
“You punished me for being a two-minute man?”
At this point, the guest speaker asked the man to come to the front.
“Sir, let me stand close to her so she can feel the pain. After all, they all laughed when she reported me to you all. I know they will judge me and say that men don’t talk. Let them say whatever they want. I don’t care.
“This marriage has been over for more than a year now. You just want to find out what I discovered today.
“You noticed I kept mentioning your first daughter. Yes, I was saying that because I found out that those girls, three of them, weren’t mine.
“Your daughter knew this too."
“To make this matter more interesting, I have met their father, Mr Aburi, who has been sending you a monthly allowance of ₦200,000 for his children."
There was shock on everybody’s face.
It was checkmate.
“I may not last long in bed, but my loyalty to you has lasted the longest.
“I may not last long in bed, but you have lasted longer in my house than your exes.
“I accepted and tolerated all your excesses. I provided everything, even though you make your own money. You cannot borrow money or even give it to your own child.
“Even in my darkest hour, when I was sick and away from home for two weeks, did you call me? Did you even ask where I had gone? Your daughter knows this.
“Wait, don’t be scared. I did not sleep with your daughter. And I do not have any woman or child anywhere.
“I am not afraid to start again. This time, maybe this time, I will no longer go for a pretty face, but for a kind woman.”
He paused, looked around the room, and continued.
“All the men here, don’t kill yourselves on that bed.
“Satisfy your wives with that one round if that is all your power can carry. Do your best and leave the rest."
“Never fail in your responsibilities. Take care of your wife and children. Don’t discriminate between your in-laws and your own family. You are a father for a reason. Be one, and live up to that responsibility.
“God bless you.”
He finished and handed the microphone back to me and walk out of the room.
The guest speaker stood there, dumbfounded.
The man looked around one last time and asked:
“Are there more two-minute men in the house like me? Men who are not judged by the number of rounds they can perform in bed, but by the quality of the responsibilities they have been able to shoulder and whether their wives appreciate them?
“Go home and teach your children. Appreciate the little things.
“Let’s rise for the grace.”
THE END.
