22/08/2026
✍️ Honestly, I’ve lost a lot lately, including a lot of myself. I seem to be getting tested in every direction possible, and for me these things never come in threes, they come in elevenths. I’ve always been someone who says bring it on, because the growth on the other side of hard things always makes life feel different. Better. More real. But it is so hard while you’re in it, especially when you feel quite alone.
Something I know so many people carry at some point is the feeling of never quite being enough. For me it grew into something severe. Disassociated from myself. Harsh in how I saw myself. Timid, if I’m honest, about putting myself out there in any sense, even just leaving the house or creating the things I’m passionate about. It’s hard to show up for a path when you’re not sure you’re worthy of walking it. I struggle to hear the sound of my voice, I struggle to look in the mirror, I feel like my personality isn’t something people like… I understand this isn’t true but it feels that way to me.
This photo is represents the first day I’ve properly taken for myself in a long time, and I actually feel like me again in it. I’ve been keeping a small routine, walking, staying hydrated, and diving back into what I love. Back into gaming. I’ve used writing music as my outlet and have two singles that are currently being recorded. Trying to pursue what my soul has always wanted to do.
This era keeps reminding me of the Japanese concept of kintsugi, the art of repairing broken pottery with gold so the cracks don’t get hidden, they become part of what makes it beautiful. That’s where I’m at. Slowly learning to love myself again, so my cup can be full enough to pour back into the people I love.
A lesson in all of this: people show you what they want to show you. The ones who want to be in your life will be. And the ones who truly love you will never make you feel unloved. That goes for family, friends, relationships, colleagues, all of it.
To everyone who has stuck by my side through this, thank you. If I didn’t have you to talk to, to sound things out with, to cry to and lean on, I could not have made it this far. I am so incredibly grateful for you. X