24/02/2023
"Someday, theyβre going to ask me.
βWhat was it like, mama?β
βHow did you do it, mama?β
βWill I always be tired, mama?β
βIs it worth it, mama?β
And these are the things I will say.
The nights lacked sleep and restoration,
but they were rich with holy surrender.
My body lost shape and figure,
but my heart reoriented itself with bittersweet clarity.
Our bed was rarely empty,
but I never wished your tiny warmth away.
I longed for the peace after bedtime,
but I missed you once you slept.
I hated watching the dimpled hands disappear,
but I loved watching you become who you are.
It was noisy, so noisy, so often,
but the stolen silences were ripe with your absence.
It was so easy to lose sight of your father,
but we fought hard for us, and I hope you noticed.
The mid afternoon hours stretched for an eternity,
but I watched years go by in one deep exhale.
I danced between work and home,
but you loved me without regard for time.
I once marveled at the waters and the mountains,
but then I wondered at the mystery of you instead.
It was hard, so very hard,
But the joy lacked reason, limits, confines.
I could never make sense of any of it,
But Iβve loved you immeasurably in all of it.
Someday, theyβre going to ask me.
And these are the things I will say."
πΈ:
