Futile Device

08/02/2026

Hey silly persons. Since you need me to hold it for you while you p*e, just tap the little three bars and you’ll get your fun surprise. How ye dern. I’ve categorized all of the things into distinct, easy, user-friendly bu****it.

Because the modern consumer, no matter how well-intentioned, needs to be slapped around by the logic fairy now and again.

Reminder: I make tees, embroidered hats, tanks, hoodies. Zip hoodies, polos, mugs, Stanleys, knit beanies, ornaments, patches, buttons, you should own one of everything.

07/29/2026

All of the AI company logo marks look like robot bu****les.

Hire me, a graphic designer, and your logo will not look like a robot bu****le. Unless you’re selling robot bu****les, in which case, concessions can be made.

07/28/2026

I say fire orange into deep crimson. Go.

07/21/2026

Oil executives just don’t fall down their own wells and drown with crude filling their lungs and muffling their screams like they used to.

bp can either come to the table with an acceptable contract, or suffer from the consequences of their own actions.

07/16/2026

No, I’m not racist for not having Black Lives Matter stuff on Futile Device. You’d think, based on ✨context clues✨ that mayyyyybe people wouldn’t assume I’m excluding, (it’s always white people so many times I’ve lost fkn count over 6 years) but noOoooOoo.

You know why I don’t have any Black Lives Matter apparel/etc in my store? BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY BRILLIANT BLACK MAKERS WHO MAKE THE THING AND DO THE THING.

I literally give my black-centric ideas away quietly if I think they’re worth a damn, and I shut the f**k up, whether they get produced or not. Doesn’t make me special. Makes me a non-war-profiteer. The bar is so low.

I suggest the saltine American dream team does the latter as well.

Meantime, post your favorite black-owned businesses here, if you’re feeling so inclined.

07/09/2026

07/09/2026

07/09/2026

I suppose I’ve got some fans x4. Every post with this was removed all at the same time. That’s fun. Anyway. Free shipping with code ZUCKED.