02/12/2023
Fishing Help Save My Life!!!
The struggle is real, and my environment sucked me in. Seeing family members and friends in and out of jail, bad car crashes, and some dieing. I made a commitment to never drink or drug when I was 11 years old.
At 13 I started to drink and smoke w**d. It continued...and I will admit I had a lot of fun, until I didnt.. the addiction continued to progress and I didn't discriminate to what I used to chase that initial Euphoria I felt in the beginning. This continued to progress, and I really struggle remembering my 20s.
The worst thing that happend was me being the youngest. I watched the mistakes that others made and I learned. I never got in trouble. I did everything wrong the right way, and flew so low that many may have known of the use just not the extent of the use. I never have received a moving violation, this was luck, mixed with growing up 7 miles away from a town of 400 people, and it kept me from admitting I had any problem.
My first child was born just before I turned 28, I continued to use and hide it from my spouse until she caught me, again and again. I WAS ALWAYS TRUTHFUL WHEN I SAID I WAS DONE. I just didn't know how to be done. Many people without addiction problems will say that this is lack of self control, I ask them hypothetically if using substances was the right thing to do could you do it? They answer is NO, and the reason is the environment they had and continue to have they wouldn't allow them too no matter how hard they tried.
My second child was born just before I was 30 and I was absolutely sick and tired of being tired. I was addiment I was not going to place my children in the same environment I grew up in. 4 months after he arrived I finally went into a 12 step program. I had fellowship and new environment and this was working. We had to more kids and life was great.... so I thought. Covid hit and I used this as an excuse to throw 4.5 years of Sobriety (clean-time) down the drain. This was short lived for the reason my wife knew I was off.. She should have left along time ago, but I know I am on my final straw right now.
Finally working the program! The hardest place to look is the easiest place to change. When I look in the mirror and deep inside myself was extremely uncomfortable, but this is the only common denominator of my problems. This is also the only thing I can change (besides diapers).
THE FISHING PART....FINALLY
I was taught, when I remove something a void is left and it needs to be filled. I started to get back into fishing again. I opened my tackle boxes and well over $3000 dollars of tackle was rusted and needed to be replaced or refurbished. I am frugal so I chose to refurbish them. So I researched and dug into finding how to do this.
Using addiction to my advantage, this is an all or nothing attitude. When I decide to do something I will strive to be the best there is, (yes I am humble enough to know I will never be the best), or I won't do it at all. 2 years ago this month I picked up an airbrush for the first time ever. I was always artistic and took 4 years of Art in High School and Color Theory.
I have filled a huge void in my life and find true happiness in making the highest quality, never before seen designs, and top of line glow fishing lures. I love to learn about why fish do the things they do based on science. Remember I am an addict and I am taking this to a level never seen before. I have to constantly remind myself of balance because I will and do obsess about this.
Thank you for the support and like I have said before.... I am just getting started!
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