10/23/2026
I have a legitimate question. How do you spell the sound of dry heaving?
“What the Hell, Kenna?” You might be asking, perhaps even out loud right now - well, let me tell you where this stemmed from - get ready for it and just be glad it wasn’t all on video - or maybe you will be disappointed. I don’t know.
In an unusual attempt to be ambitious this morning after waking up at 4am and promptly scouring the internet for my favorite eyeshadow that has apparently been discontinued since the last time I purchased it (and no thank you eBay sellers, I can clearly see that you’ve used the eyeshadow before trying to resell it, gross)...
…anyhow, around 6am I was feeling especially impressive thinking I might take a shower this morning and I remembered the water had been really slow to drain (for like a month - don’t judge).
And no, I am not sure if the most impressive part is me taking a shower today or going out to the garage to get a tool to pull the drain stop thingy out.
I’m not a hero, just a girl that sometimes doesn’t feel like taking a shower and always forgets important things until it’s too late, like I’m in the shower and the water isn’t draining.
ANYHOW - stop judging - I am not done yet. That’s not even the important part of the story.
SO, being the impressive, awake-at-6am-doing-sh*t person I am today, I go back to the drain - I am eyeing it confidently with my screwdriver and pliers…and then 20 seconds later, not so confident about how to remove the stopper thingy, I confidently asked ChatGPT how to take the flippin’ thing off…Chat gave me several pieces of advice, all of which I failed to heed because they seemed like too much effort…and just went straight for sticking the screwdriver in the drain because it wasn’t a toaster and I could be confident I wasn’t going to get electrocuted.
Confidence is apparently everything at 6am.
So, much like many of you have done, I got the little hair chunk started - then I grab it with my fingers thinking, “Plumbing is easy. Maybe I should switch careers!”
Let me tell you, that innocent looking piece of hair took a horrific turn…it was getting slimy, and OMG, DOES IT SMELL BAD? Does it? Does it smell?!
Am I freaking imagining smelling this suddenly gooey, never ending chunk of hair (this is where the gagging started…because I was NOT AT ALL imagining the smell)...and it just kept coming out - all one really long piece like there was obviously another human or creature on the other end of it and I mean, I feel like I should have been apologizing to the creature whose hair I was clearly pulling off of its head, but there I was, and then there was gagging and it was awful and it smelled so bad and I had to run out of the bathroom to get some air - all panicked, tears in my eyes, mouth watering, still gagging…
Obviously I had to run straight to Kelly Leigh where she was peacefully drinking her coffee and tell her about the horrors I had just witnessed and how apparently I am a gaggy person now (and almost gagged again just at the thought of it)...her only question to me was, "How did you make it in healthcare?"
I then rushed into the kitchen to get, on my last count, eight grocery bags (thank you Target for having high quality grocery bags that I have always appreciated and reused because they are quality and durable just as I would expect from you)...
I covered my nose and mouth, bravely went in to get “the Clog” (tonight's feature horror film) and eight-layer-bagged that bitch taking it directly out to the dumpster.
Was the use of 8 bags extreme? No.
No it wasn’t, because I swear, whatever the hell that thing was, was only going to summon the un-freaking-dead to the house if they got one freaking whiff of it, JUST ONE!…and if you think all of my dry heaving was out of control for ‘the Clog’, you wait until there are some rank smelling zombies walking up on the porch, scratching their gross ass zombie nails and their disgusting unwashed hands on the windows. (dry heave sound). Between gagging, I’d be asking Kelly, “How long (gag) do you think it’s been (gag) since they’ve washed their (gag) filthy hands (gag)?”
No sir. Not today.
But really, how do you spell the sound of a dry-heave?
I’m gonna go take that shower now and just hope that it didn’t lay eggs. (dry heave)
Oh - good morning everyone. :) 🧟💓
Glenvil, Together
