Breakup Divas

03/14/2024

Put It Out To The Universe

As you go through a transition in your life such as ending a relationship begin to consider what you want to bring into your life that is currently missing. I suggest that you write these things down and place the writing in a place that you see every day. A good place is on a mirror that you look into every day. Creating a collage or visualization board is another good way to put out to the Universe as well as yourself that which you want or need. You can cut out images, draw, write, etc. on your board and you can change images as you need along the way. Visualization can be a powerful step in bringing into your life that which you want to do or attract. After you have created your writings or visualization board begin to think of what you can do to bring this into your life. For instance, lets say that you have lost contact and time with girlfriends because you were super focused on a love relationship. You can make the decision to call an old friend and set a date. You can venture out and take a class or volunteer somewhere that places you in the position of meeting new people. This may mean stepping out of your comfort zone and take a little time, but it will be worth it in the long run.

03/01/2024

The Breakup Diva line is now available at the Clayton House Market Place in Covington Louisiana at 1600 North Collins Blvd. The Clayton House is a beautiful venue with a variety of vendors. We hope you come and see our fun and sassy line of products.

01/30/2024

Share your Funniest Breakup Story with us! 💔

We want to hear your funniest breakup story (but try not to be cruel please).

Here is one I heard years ago from another therapist: a woman learned that her husband was having an affair and decided to throw him out of the house and divorce him. Before he came home she threw all of his clothing and other belongings on the front lawn and turned on the garden hose. It was in the dead of winter in Michigan. You can envision the rest. 🙃

Stories connect us, and laughter is inherently healing. We love to hear your stories!

Because breaking up is hard to do. Join the Breakup Divas sisterhood, and move towards a brighter future!

01/26/2024

The Freret Market this coming Saturday has been cancelled due to the weather. We are all a bit soggy. Hope to be there in March. I will keep you posted.

01/24/2024

Come and see us at the Freret Market in New Orleans this Saturday January 27 from 11:00am to 4:00pm. An open area market with vendors, food, and music. What a great way to spend part of your Saturday. We hope to see you there! For more information go to freretmarket.org.

01/23/2024

How to throw a Breakup Diva Party

Throwing a party for a friend going through a breakup is a wonderful way to show your support and have lots of fun too. If you are going through a breakup and are ready to move on it can be a fun and meaningful way to move on by throwing a party. The first consideration and the most important one for a friend is if she is ready emotionally for a Breakup Diva party. If your friend is still actively mourning, attempting to get the relationship back or replaying the relationship over and over, she is not ready to celebrate moving on. If in doubt ask her and honor where she is by being there in ways she currently needs such being presence,
listening and affirming her worth. Women move on when they are ready, not when we as their friends think they should.

Create a Fun & Supportive Space

When it is time to throw that party create a space that is warm, supportive and fun. Think of ways to decorate that affirm her worth such as including inspirational writings. Here is one that I love from Audrey Hepburn: “ I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner, I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” Use your creativity and use Breakup Divas products to create the perfect party atmosphere.

Serve Wine in Style

Make sure to have plenty of wine glasses on hand like our Breakup Diva stemless wine glasses to toast your friend as she enters into a new chapter in her life. Serve your favorite white and red wine with our Revenge Red and Cheating Chardonnay Kick’em to the Curb wine labels. Feast on our speciality menu of party hors d’oeuvres such as “Caught you Crab Dip” and “I know your password Pate’”. Of course be sure to have sassy and fun cocktail napkins especially designed for the women leaving a relationship such as “No Drunk Texting”, “Eat, Drink, and Move-on” and “Newsflash, I was Faking” and more.

Plan Activities

Use your imagination to create games for the now free woman. Party goers can recount their funniest breakup stories. For example, one of my closest friends was ending a relationship and related to her soon to be ex-boyfriend to come and get all of his things which she had put out on a table outside and related to him that she was going to put a “free” sign on it if he didn’t come within a certain time frame. You could have a game that party goers share “You are better off because...” Best of all and so important are the Affirmation Cards to be filled out by guests to express love and support with their individual messages. In our line we also include a handmade sea glass necklace to symbolize that something broken transforms into something beautiful. See all of our products at breakupdivas.shop. Create a meaningful ritual for yourself or for a friend who is ending a relationship. Cheers!

01/03/2024

Are you so Busy Filling the Hours and that You are Missing the Moments?

Often when we are hurting we try to distract ourselves with frantically filling time by staying busy. It is a way to temporarily avoid feelings by taking our attention away from our feelings and focusing on activities to fill our time and our minds. In addition to not allowing ourselves to feel and process what we need to, we miss moments that allow us to be present. So often it is when we stop being busy that we can both hear ourselves and also notice the world around us. There can often be an interplay between what we are experiencing and what we observe in the moments. We can learn from such times. Nature in particular can be a wonderful teacher about how life heals it self and goes on. I am currently trying to drop my to do list and the need to “be productive” and focus even for just a moment on what is around me. I might look up at the sky, observe the play of sun light on the leaves of a tree, gaze into the intricacy of the interior of a flower or just pet my cat. It all slows me down and helps me to realize how life is full of wonder and therefore is inherently healing if we just stop and look.

12/06/2023

Alone during the Holidays


If you are divorced or currently not in a relationship during the holidays your feelings of loss and sadness can be magnified. We are so exposed to how the holidays are supposed to be that when we come up short of that unrealistic image we feel inadequate. We may feel that we are personally lacking because we are not in a relationship at a time when so much appears to revolve around being a couple. It is important to acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to feel them. Then it is valuable to give yourself permission to take a look at what you need to do to take care of yourself during the holidays. You may want to make a list of what you can do during the holidays to create an atmosphere that it is nurturing to you including ways to connect with others. Perhaps it is time to create some new traditions, you may decide to give to others in new ways, or volunteer for a cause you value. Instead of dreading this time of year and “just get through it”, explore ways that fit you to make it as positive experience as possible.

11/20/2023

Stretch

I once had a woman who was in one of my women’s groups say “If I don’t stretch, I can’t grow.” How true this is. It is when we stretch beyond our comfort zone that we can make changes and grow. What have you always wanted to do but stopped yourself with your fears? Or did you stop yourself because you had internalized outside messages that said you couldn’t? When I had a practice I worked with many remarkable women and two come to mind who stretched and took the risk to do something they always wanted to do. One woman who was in her thirties had always wanted to take tap dance lessons but now felt she was too old and she would look foolish. I encouraged her to give it a try. She loved it and found it gave her joy. Another woman I worked with had been a very talented artist as a child and had been selected for a scholarship for art lessons at the local art museum. Her father told her it was a waste of time and that she had no talent. She was eight years old. She came to therapy when she was forty-five and a mother of five. She gradually began to go back to her love of art. She first enrolled in art classes at the museum, then completed a two year course at the community college and then went on to get her BA in Art from the University. Her work now hangs in the University and some of her pieces have been selected for a public exhibit. A time of transition such as a relationship ending can be a good time to look around and try something you have always wanted to do. Stretch.

11/02/2023

The doorway

In her book entitled “Crossing to Avalon” Dr. Jean Shinoda Bolen describes women who are in transition as symbolically standing under a lintel or doorway. She uses this image to signify that one is not where one was and not yet where one will be. This is often what we feel when we are going through a major change in our lives such as a relationship ending. While this time can be uncertain and frightening it also can be a space for opportunity. It can be a time to listen to ourselves and explore new avenues. These are often experiences that we would not have taken the opportunity to explore when we were in a relationship. This can be a time to stretch and try something new. As you stand under the doorway, not where you were and not yet where you will be, give yourself the gift of seeing and trying new possibilities.

10/18/2023

Message to Self

What messages are you saying to yourself? In the last blog we looked at the messages we received as we were growing up from the culture, subculture, and our families. Many times these messages are on a loop in our brain and repeat themselves over and over. When this happens they become ingrained and we believe them. There is scientific evidence that when we take in negative information it changes the biochemistry in our bodies. “The Hidden Messages in Water” written by Marsaru Emoto who is a Japanese scientist is both a thought provoking book as well as a New York Times bestseller. His research demonstrated that negative thoughts and experiences change the molecular makeup of the water’s cells. At first he exposed the water to negative experiences such as being exposed to heavy metal music and then froze the water and took high-powered photographs of the frozen water cells. The water exposed to the heavy metal music resembled grey blobs in contrast when water was exposed to a positive experience such as classical music the cells looked like beautiful snowflakes. He theorizes that since our bodies are made up of between 55%-60% water we are creating changes in our bodies when we are exposed to negativity such as negative self-talk. Be aware of your self-talk and interrupt it by replacing it with a positive phrase which is in the present tense. If you have a loop of self talk that says you aren’t worthy or good enough to deserve a healthy relationship rephrase it to say “I am a good and worthy person and I am deserving of a loving healthy relationship.” At first this may feel artificial and awkward but keep at it. It does take time to replace a negative self talk loop with a positive one. You can also write a positive message to yourself and place it somewhere you look everyday such as mirror. Nourish yourself with positive messages. Think of a crystal of water listening to beautiful music.

10/04/2023

Messages We Internalize

It is important and useful to take an inventory of the messages we have heard through the years and how we have internalized them. This can be especially important as we go through the ending of a relationship. When we hear and take in messages about what it means to be female, to be in a relationship, etc. we
often abandon our own sense of self and adopt and internalize the messages as though they are true. Many of these messages come from our culture, subculture, and from our families of origin. This process starts early in our lives. Studies indicate that little girls go from feeling strong with limitless possibilities when they are young girls ( think of an eight year old girl with her hands on her hips wearing a superhero cape) to being subjected as a pre-teen to the message of “be nice, kind, and pretty”. For most women these messages follow us through our lives. When we are beginning to have relationships we are bombarded with messages about how to look and act to secure a relationship. When we are in a relationship we are then bombarded with “how to keep the relationship”. When we become wives and mothers we are told this is the most fulfilling role we can have and when we don’t feel that way 24/7 we feel guilty. As we age we are given the message that we need to avoid aging at all costs using botox or surgery to “look younger”. The overriding message is that we are not good enough the way we are. To me the most poignant aspect is that we so often turn away from our own inner authentic self and truths. Instead of being guided by our own wisdom, we internalize and act upon an outside message and lose parts of ourselves in the process. You may want to take some time and write down messages you have received through the years and see how they have impacted you. Discard those you never needed or do not need now. In an another blog we will look at ways to let go of these powerful messages. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you do this. Listen to your own wisdom about who you are and are becoming for you are strong with limitless possibilities.