09/25/2026
I know I probably shouldn't post this, but if anything, I need to be honest with myself.
I've never been this depressed, miserable, and full of anger in my life...
I give up. I failed. I don't want to keep trying. Ohh wait... I still have 14 months of this hell. Aka, a lease. I honestly have no clue how I'm going to make it through.
All hope, dreams, determination, and motivation are gone.
I've tried... picked myself back up and tried again...
I'm in denial, thinking it will get better. In the last year, sales didn't even cover the store rent. There is still insurance, utilities, supplies, and wholesale clothing costs, just to name a few.
I've maxed out every credit card I could, sold all my personal belongings, and borrowed more times than I can count from my Grandma Bo and Joe. Joe, on top of helping with the store costs, also helps take care of my cell phone and all of our living costs.
I can't even afford deodorant???
How should this make one feel?
I feel justified that I've been crying all night, just not knowing...
I started working young, in high school, at my grandparents' coffee shop, and I've always been self-sufficient. I've always worked. I've always figured it out somehow.
Idk... idk... idk...
I've given it my all, and I need some sort of miracle to get the will to want to try one last time... to make my dreams come true.
Idk if this is even a dream at this point...
*will do a part 2 tomorrow*
