04/12/2024
PART I: BE AWARE OF ENCROACHMENT IN MENTORING RELATIONSHIPS
Post FWD: Theresa Howard Johnson
In every mentoring relationship, mentors and mentees have a right to privacy, personal space, and the exercise of personal power. Close, intimate mentoring relationships are no different.
I am huge on privacy, the right to be left alone, and the freedom to decide what and what not to share with another person. Now, there can and should be healthy, reasonable, agreed-upon expectations of sharing that comes with every mentor-mentee relationship, but “encroachment” is not among them.
Encroachment is the FORCING of one’s self and desires into territories (like relationships) in the lives of others where YOU HAVE NOT BEEN INVITED. It is the assumption that you should “have a place” where no place has been set for you - even if there is a thought that one should have a place.
Encroachers are generally interested in the influential relationships in the lives of those they have encroached upon and are not satisfied until they pe*****te or access them. SOME ENCROACHERS even believe they are entitled to relationships that God has set before you and will weasel their way in… knowing they are out of order, showing no respect for the mentor-mentee covenant in the Lord .
No mentor or mentee should operate like this. Be warned.
WE MUST TALK ABOUT THIS AS PEOPLE ARE DEALING WITH IT…WITHOUT NAMING IT OR PRESENTING SOLUTIONS. SOME MAY NOT KNOW THIS IS A THING THAT PEOPLE FACE RELATIONALLY.
Encroachment is often GRADUAL. It can present innocently at first. It can look like normal interest and curiosity.
In the beginning, you cannot always see it because the ENCROACHER takes small steps with their infringement - each time pushing boundaries further out.
Holy Spirit is THE keeper here! TRUST HIM. Know that prayer is your shield. Discernment is your portion.
Be attentive in the Spirit. Watch with BOUNDARIES.
Express those boundaries and PAY ATTENTION to the response.
REMEMBER THIS: Encroaching mentors (or mentees) can be a real danger or hazard to your well-being and the well-being of your ministry relationships.
No one is ENTITLED to your right to privacy or relational boundaries. Especially WHEN THEY ARE CONTROLLING concerning how you interact with their close relationships - keeping themselves constantly in between.
Healthy connections are great; encroachment is not.
People are cunning. But GOD is faithful to reveal every motive and every scheme.
People will silently hate you for your BOUNDARIES. Yet, have none themselves concerning what you have set to guard yourself, your ministry, group or organization.
True relationship respects boundaries. If God does not force himself on anyone, we should not either.
(Many of these lessons I learned the hardway as a young minister. I only needed to learn this lesson once.)
Matthew 7:12 NKJV, “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
2 Thess 3:11-12 NKJV, “For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread.”
1 Corinthians 7:2: "Each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband…” (A boundary concept of covenant is established here concerning relationships that extend into and beyond marriage that can be inferred here.”
