05/09/2024
How can 15 years go by so fast and at the same time seem so long ago. Yet everything that happened that day still be so vivid in my mind. I remember every minute every second of what happened. It will randomly flash through my mind for the rest of my life I wish I could erase everything that happened that day.
I try to imagine what things would be like if it never happened . What would they look like now. I have no doubt Jason would have been successful at anything he decided to do . He was so smart would he have a family of his own KAidyn would be driving and I'm sure have a trail of girls behind him. I will forever love and miss them .
There is something I am absolutely floored by. After 15 years I am still hearing rumors and lies about what happened that day and unfortunately it's not coming from only strangers but people I was once very close to who I thought knew me better than they do
So I'm going to finally set some things straight.
Where was the mother? I was upstairs playing with two of my sons and my grandson.
No I was NOT too wacked out to save them.
No I WAS not drunk . I did NOT sell the donations we received I donated what we couldn't use and no I did not spend the money donated on myself.. I made sure my kids had what they needed. I was wearing two different boots for a week before I broke down and bought myself some shoes .
We did NOT get tens of thousands of dollars. There were trust funds set up by other people that we never saw a penny of and could not make them close the accounts.
And the person who texted my son that he didn't deserve a father's day that they would of died trying to save their child. You have no idea what we did to try and save them. Until you are in that situation you Don't know so what you are saying is I should of lost two sons that day instead of one.
Do you people know the effects of what you have done and said caused more issues for us. I've learned so much from you. I learned to keep my circle small and to choose very carefully who you allow in . So to those who are in my life I hope you know how special you are to me.
Losing a child is hard enough but adding unneeded stress is so wrong. But I can't say that I am not a bit thankful for the lessons I learned from you. Even with all the roadblocks you set up for my family we managed to over come each obstacle and became even stronger. I have lost two more sons in the past five years and I had the wonderful people in my little circle still there for me when you see me smiling Don't think for a minute that I am not still hurting. The pain doesn't go away it's just like a wound that got stabbed over and never will completely heal.
And to those who think I post stuff on the anniversary of them passing and their birthdays for pity. That is not why. I post stuff because i want my kids to be remembered I hear their name less and less and love when people tell me things that they did . It doesn't hurt me to talk about them it makes me feel good you never stop loving your children not even when they are gone.
I'm sure the people I direct this to will not care what the facts are but everyone should realize that if you have no idea what what the facts are you should talk to the person before you judge. Honestly some of the lies and rumors were harder to deal with than losing my children. I dont wish the hell I've been through on anyone but I believe what comes around goes around and id like to see how many of you can survive a tenth of what I've been through. Now I am going to continue on with my life still smiling because I have so much to still be happy about and I'm sure I will keep hearing the lies but they Don't matter anymore because I am strong enough and smart enough to not let any of it effect me anymore
