01/22/2021
I struggle with responding to aspects of the news cycle in social media. The news cycle goes so quickly. I need time to let these events settle over me, to reflect on how I feel and what I think. Part of my personal journey over the past years, dealing with the social unrest, the death of my mom, the decision to close my business, has been to slow down, get quiet and actually figure out how to listen to myself. I never listened to myself. Our culture and capitolism pushes us to stay busy, focus on being productive and pushing, pushing pushing. We push ourselves past exhaustion into burn out. I didnt know what was wrong. just realized I was chronically unhappy, chronically anxious and I didnt know what to do. By slowing down, I realized I wasn't listening to myself. I wasn't giving myself time to process my experiences. Cooincidentally, or not, it was around this time that I found myself overwhelmed by social media. I couldn't keep up. By the time I was ready to post about something, it was long over and a post seemed pointless.
These past weeks, this has caught up with me again. I didn't know what I wanted to say about the capitol insurrection. I'm not sure how I feel about the inauguraiton. I'm glad that Trump is gone, but I feel conflicted about Biden and Harris. I want to celebrate the first woman VP but I have such low expectations for them both. It takes a lot of energy to hold space for conflicting feelings. IT takes time for me to process it. Social media goes so fast. Everyone seems to have the pefect post ready and poingnent words come quickly. For me, it takes time.
This post is just in honor of those who need time, in honor of those who may not realize they are suffering from being swept along in the insane pace social media demands. I just need to notice that I am feeling rushed. We all need time to process. It is good to really allow yourself to feel how you feel. That doesn't happen quickly. We need more quiet than we allow ourselves.
