03/12/2025
I sit in my room all day, and honestly, these past few years have taught me a lot not just about myself but about others as well. I'm sad. I'm depressed. I'm hurt and so much more.
There are days when I don’t want to do anything. Days when I can’t bring myself to talk. Just negative thoughts and bad images rolling through my mind. There are nights when I go to sleep and don’t want to wake up. Times when I stare at my phone for hours, and nobody calls or texts.
Over these past years, I realized I wasn’t truly happy. I wasn’t doing enough for myself. Instead, I was pouring into people who were only using me people who never did anything for me in return. I learned that just because you have things, people assume you're happy. They don’t see the nights when you're crying in the shower or alone in your room. To them, everything looks like rainbows and sunshine, but in reality, it's tornados and thunderstorms just waiting for that one moment to spark a change.
I learned that no matter how much you do for others, you can't expect them to do the same for you when you need them. That sometimes, you have to be selfish and say no. And as much as that hurts when you have a big heart, you can't keep giving when your own heart is drained and barely beating.
I’ve also learned that sometimes, all I want is for someone to say, “I’m proud of you.” But the truth is, no one is going to say it. And I had to accept that. It hurts, because sometimes, just hearing those words could make someone who’s depressed feel like the most important person in the world.
But I’ve come to realize this world isn’t made for people with kind hearts. We get used and abused. We get mistreated and overlooked. And that’s just how life works. God allows things to happen for reasons we don’t always understand. But He gives us guidance, and it's up to us to seek those answers.
Even on my worst days, my daughter is my light. Hearing her talk, watching her run, seeing her learn something new every day she brings me the most joy. But there are also days when my sadness is overwhelming because her sister isn’t here with her. I miss my daughter every single day. All I have left of her is a picture and a go