05/20/2026
On one hand I feel incredibly blessed and honored by the divine to be chosen to carry out a mission like this…. However, it does make me sad to see humans down bad. And not just unhoused people, people that are just struggling in general. California is the 4th largest economy in the world… but we can’t even take care of our people. I’m blessed to know compassionate people, I’ve relied on them myself while struggling with housing insecurity, financial insecurity, and food insecurity. There’s a “not real” degrading part of asking for help. There’s a humbling side of receiving help. And I’ve always had to rely on the love I’m giving to return. If you do something like this, it’s a revealing psychology of the human condition operating in survival mode. Greed sets in, at no fault to them, they need to gather as many resources as they can to survive. An example is, there’s a hundred people in line behind you at the food pantry… your allotment is 6 potato’s but you go to take 10… not because you don’t like the next person, but because survival mode says “you don’t have enough so you need more”… but then everyone feels the same way, and goes to do the same thing…. Am I overthinking? Am I over feeling? The data is overwhelming. I’m analyzing and I’m empathizing. I wanna do everything I can but i have neither the capacity or the resources. Would this be easier if I was a millionaire? Probably… but would it? Love confused me my whole life, so I try my best to give and love just to make sense of it all. I take the wisdom as progress but the dismal feeling of empathizing with someone living in a tent on the side of the road CTR + ALT + Deletes my energy. And when i was running the gallery doing this, it exhausted my soul. There’s was no reprieve. I was never at war with myself, I’m battling a lack of logic as a logical person. It just doesn’t make sense. Or i can’t make sense of it. I accept both and continue to put one food ahead of another. Reminding myself I’m blessed when the love returns tenfold. Cuz it always has, and always does.