08/22/2026
Job Title: Self-Appointed Flock Protector / Professional Escape Artist & Full-Time Handsome Bird
This week we honor Riot, a rooster who wakes up every morning fully convinced he is both the toughest bird in three counties and the most ridiculously good-looking creature to ever grow feathers. Riot spends his days strutting the yard like a tiny, overly confident bodyguard. He patrols, he poses, he tends to his hens with the seriousness of a man who believes the entire flockâs safety rests on his perfect posture. From first light until the last streak of dusk, he also provides a continuous soundtrack. He crows. Relentlessly. He is absolutely certain his voice is as beautiful as the heavenly hosts, and he feels it is his duty to share that gift with the entire neighborhood for as many hours as daylight will allow. Catch him, though? Absolutely not. The moment you try, the performance ends, and the chaos begins. He will scream. He will claw. He will bounce clean off the top of your head if thatâs what it takes. Then he will disappear. Every. Single. Time. There was that one historic day when the chicken tenders somehow managed to actually catch him. He remained in custody for a full two minutes â a personal record and, in his mind, a war crime. The second the grip loosened even slightly, Riot launched himself into the horizon like a feathered rocket, screaming at the absolute top of his lungs the entire way. It wasnât just running. It was a full dramatic exit, complete with ongoing vocal protest, as if the whole county needed to know he had been wronged. He only returned once the chicken tender who feeds him and his hens every single day had left the property. He strolled back in like nothing had happened, feathers slightly ruffled but dignity somehow intact, already back to strutting, looking handsome, and warming up for the next crow. Riot remains undefeated in his own mind. Louder than necessary. Prettier than necessary. And still, somehow, the boss.
We see you, Riot. We hear you too.
