07/24/2026
Who wore the Old Fashioned better?
Be honest. You’re the friend who brings the good bottle, orders the Old Fashioned while everyone else gets a seltzer, and has opinions about bourbon versus rye that nobody asked for. Same energy as a bottle of whiskey that showed up to happy hour in a full outfit.
The contestants: a few people with excellent taste, several bottles dressed better than their owners, and then the I-4 eyesore, which we let in out of pity. Some things a good shirt can’t fix.
Then the Welcome to Florida sign put it on and ended the whole thing. Winner. We are not accepting appeals.
Bourbon neat, one big cube, bitters, an orange peel, no small talk. If that’s your night, this shirt already knows. Swipe and call it. My money’s on the 750ml, and it is not the eyesore.