05/24/2022
While and her family were watching a tv show where the daughter was coming out to her mom, the mom replied:â
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âI love you, no matter what.ââ
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âI knew this show was trying to be progressive, to prove that these parents embraced their daughterâs gayness just as much as theyâd embrace her straightness. I wondered, though, if this girl had just told her parents that she liked boys, would the mother have said, âWe love you no matter whatâ? Of course not. Because âno matter whatâ is what we say when someone has disappointed us.â
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If my son got caught cheating on a test, Iâd dole out a consequence and then assure him that I love him no matter what. If my daughter told me that sheâd just robbed a bank, Iâd hold her hand and tell her that I love her no matter what. The âno matter whatâ would imply that even though my child had done something that fell short of my expectations, my love is still strong enough to hold her.â
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When it comes to who my children are, I donât want to be an Expectations Parent. I donât want my kids striving to meet an arbitrary list of preconceived goals I have created for them. I want to be a Treasure Hunt Parent. I want to encourage my children to spend their lives digging, uncovering more and more about who they already are, and then sharing what they discover with those lucky enough to be trusted by them. When my child uncovers a gem inside and pulls it out for me to see, I want to widen my eyes and gasp and applaud. In other words: If my daughter told me she was gay, I would not love her in spite of it, I would love her because of it.ââ
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forever.â
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