Everybody's Got Issues

03/08/2026

08/16/2025

Tough negotiator...

05/10/2025

You have issues?

You are in Stateville Correctional Center in Joliet…after having, a decade or so ago, been transferred from the notorious Joliet prison. You are there for a triple murder...and you were convicted on the basis of irrefutable evidence.

But now, you are wondering, curious, and hopeful. “If new pope is from the Chicago area, is there a prospect for forgiveness?”

Well…no…not really, not even a chance. You freaking’ know you did it…and you are a dang triple-murderer.

But, alas there is some hope. Hope that the rest of your incarceration might be less painful. Thanks to EGI and our newest product, created in reverence to the new Holy Pope.

Finally, no more worries about dropping what keeps your body clean, from resulting in painful submission to creatures from S***m. Introducing….Pope Soap on a Rope.

Scented with chemicals banned in 49 other states, the soap smells like the incense you’ll remember from that one time when you were dragged by the ear to go to church.

While we are not here to get you to heaven (not even the good Lord himself can do that given what you have done)…we are thankfully here to take $5.99 per order from you for each Pope Soap on a Rope that you order (not including tax and shipping).

Order now…and order often. Why not? You are, after all, in for life!!!

Everybodysgotissues.com

04/13/2025

To make room for new inventory, the signature EGI t-shirts are on sale for $9.99. Only for a limited time. Get them while they last at the sale price, and watch for our new products! https://everybodysgotissues.com/product-category/t-shirts/

01/20/2024

Don't "go" where the popo go! Read the latest "issue" about a man who allegedly was going to try....
https://everybodysgotissues.com/onix-rodriguez-adorno-might-have-issues/

12/23/2023

As we slide into the holiday season we look forward to friends, family and festivities. At the end of a long work year such celebrations are richly deserved. However, whether one is religious or not, it is probably a good idea to take a moment and think about the reason for the holiday. A baby born in a manger to parents of no means.

Closer to home both geographically and chronologically we’ll relate a quick account from a volunteer which may be in the true spirit of Christmas. Every year, this woman answers multiple letters to Santa. In the course of doing this she received a letter from a child of an unknown age, and all the child was asking for was a box of Frosted Flakes. But the letter went on to say, “Santa if that is too much to ask, regular Corn Flakes would be fine.”

Can you imagine? Well, we all have issues. Let’s be thankful if our burdens are not too much to overcome, and be charitable if our bounty allows for it.

11/04/2023

visit https://everybodysgotissues.com/ to share your issues and wear the message. Be a part of the movement.

10/21/2023

True...

09/09/2023

The Key to a Bad Night....

It begins with a hard-working mom doing two jobs. One job is during the day and one takes her well into the late evening. Late one night she decides to give herself a well-deserved reward at a local 24-hour convenience store.

As she comes out of the store with her drink and snack, she finds somebody crawling into the driver's seat of her car. She screams and throws her just-purchased goods in the air and chases the culprit, grabbing him by the shirt through the driver's window. He proceeds to elbow her in the face, knocking her to the ground. He then speeds off in her car.

The store clerk sees all this transpire and calls the police. They are nearby and begin chasing the car through several towns. Ultimately a spike strip is set up, which the criminal car thief drives over. He doesn't stop right away, though. He drives it on the rims, goes off the road, and rolls the car over. After a short foot chase the felon (he had been released from prison earlier that day) is apprehended. The car was totaled.

Is the ordeal almost over for the car owner? No, but thanks for asking…

Her injuries were just scrapes and bruises. So those would heal quickly. And insurance should cover the car, right? Not so fast. How did the carjacker drive away so quickly? The owner had left the car running in her haste to get home. As soon as the insurance company found out that she had left the keys in the car, they told her she wasn't covered.

The key to the bad night was leaving the keys in the ignition. Maybe a lesson to be learned, but no happy ending here. Because after all, everybody's got issues…

Contact us to submit your issues: https://everybodysgotissues.com/contact/

08/26/2023

https://everybodysgotissues.com/nobody-likes-the-dentist/

You be the judge. A woman went to the dentist to have the gap in her teeth fixed. The dentist’s...